Ranking the Harry Potter Houses in the Most Obscure Ways Possible

Hey, Potterheads! This post is for you!

We know there is tension between the four houses of Hogwarts. There always has been, and there always will be. Slytherins, you’re cunning and sharp (and apparently there’s a lot of you on the AE team). Gryffindors, you’re courageous when you need to be. Hufflepuffs, we see you and we believe in you. You’re loyal and always by our side. And Ravenclaws, you’re the brightest of us all. But what happens when we rank each Hogwarts house in ordinary Muggle activities? Well, a lot of laughing, that’s for sure! Check out our rankings of the four Hogwarts houses below and add yours to the comments.

Yes, we’re Disney adults over here at AllEars, but we are also some of the biggest Harry Potter fans you’ll meet. That’s why we had the best time putting together these lists for you! We hope you enjoy reading them as much as we did making them.

Best To Be in a Book Club With:

If you want to be in a book club, pick your club members wisely.

• Gryffindor — They would only want to read hero’s journey tales.
• Slytherin — They would only read thrillers, naturally.
• Ravenclaw — It doesn’t matter what they read, but they do it faster than you
• Hufflepuff — Cookbooks only (sorry, but it’s true)

Best To Go On a Road Trip With:

• Gryffindor — They’ll always follow the rules of the road, while also keeping everyone inside the car entertained and happy. Lets the friends have the aux cord and control of the music.
• Hufflepuff — There for the ride, down for any stops, and probably prepped great snacks and an even better playlist to keep everyone in a good mood.
• Ravenclaw — Follows the rules of the road but is more worried about establishing the quickest and most efficient way to be there rather than keeping the car happy.
• Slytherin — Impatient and likely to get road rage. Wants to show off how fast their car is. Left lane the whole way there and definitely has a lead foot.

Most Likely To Appear On a True Crime Documentary Series:

• Hufflepuff — It’s the “everyone liked them” types that are the victim. (Just sayin’)
• Slytherin — I’m not saying they did it, but they probably have a  few ideas who did…
• Gryffindor — One of the cops that was on the scene, but not the lead detective.
• Ravenclaw — They’re the ones working in the labs running fingerprints and testing stray hairs. so they didn’t do it.  They MIGHT be featured talking about what they found, but probably not, they stay behind the scenes.

Most Likely to Run a Marathon:

• Slytherin — They’d do it just for bragging rights.
• Gryffindor — They’d do it for their favorite charity and to bring honor to that organization. (Or there’s a distressed citizen at the end that they need to go save.)
• Hufflepuff –They are probably down to run for fun, as long as they can wear a fun costume (like a tutu). They’re probably just as likely to be a spectator cheering you on.
• Ravenclaw —  They probably designed the race course and are worrying about the science of nutrition while you run, trying to force gels and electrolytes into your hands along the course.

Most Likely To Be a Disney Adult:

• Hufflepuff – Obviously.
• Gryffindor – We don’t really know why, but they’d be #2 for sure. We get the sense that Walt was probably a Gryffindor.
• Ravenclaw – They’re mostly into the history of the films and parks, but they’re not super obsessed with it.
• Slytherin – They’re gonna be at Universal. (For sure.)

Waiting in a Long Line at a Theme Park:

• Hufflepuff — They’re just excited to be there and don’t mind the wait.
• Ravenclaw — Sharing fun facts about the ride and studying the structure to fill the time.
• Gryffindor — They keep themselves busy but may get bored quickly. They’re ready to hold your hand when the ride gets scary.
• Slytherin — They would be thinking about what’s next on the agenda, and how the longer wait is messing up the rest of the plan. The inefficiency of people around them would be bothersome.

We’re always ready to talk about Harry Potter, but we might be even more excited to because of the NEW Harry Potter land coming to EPIC Universe in 2025! That’s right, the Wizarding World of Harry Potter — Ministry of Magic will open with the new theme park sometime next year. We’re just getting a little (🤏) eager for the new Universal park (can you tell?).

More details about EPIC Universe and the Ministry of Magic are yet to come, but we’re keeping our eyes peeled! In the meantime, keep following AllEars!

The Portal to the Ministry of Magic Should Have Been a Toilet…Just Sayin’

Would you add any other rankings to this list? Let us know in the comments!

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